My heart and Digestive system can not take the Uncertainty of the Patriots future at QB
I’m currently shitting my pants. And also on the verge of a heart attack. Care to join me? Read on.
Cam Newton’s days in New England might not actually be over.
Source The Patriots enter the 2021 offseason with just Jarrett Stidham as its only quarterback on the roster. While Newton is a free agent, a couple of NFL insiders believe he may find his way back in New England. ESPN Patriots insider Mike Reiss believes that the Patriots could bring Newton back in addition to acquiring another quarterback to help resolve the situation.
With all due respect to Mike Reiss, Fuck off. And in the words of Michael Scott, “No! God. No god please no, no! No!, Noooooooo!”
It doesn’t end there kids. The poop party continued with semi Patriots insider, Keshawn Johnson dumping a steamy load of his shit on my dieing heart.
ESPN NFL analyst and former wide receiver Keyshawn Johnson went a step further than Reiss. In a segment making bold predictions for the offseason on “NFL Live,” Johnson’s bold prediction was Newton returning to New England.
“I know a lot of people think that experiment (with Newton) went south, but it doesn’t seem like it quite to me,” Johnson said. “It seems like that they would like to try and find some other playmakers to build around him, possibly, because going out and drafting, getting a young quarterback, that means that you are rebooting your entire team to make a run over the next five, six, seven years. Does (Bill) Belichick really have that long to sit around and wait?
“And if they can get Cam right, there’s no pandemic, there’s a real offseason, a real training camp and not a truncated training camp, I think that’s my bold prediction.”
With all due respect to Keyshawn, fuck the fuck off. COME ONNNNNN! Stop doing this to me people. 1989 Jerry Rice could not stop Cam Newton from throwing the football like a jar of pickles he’s unreasonably mad at. The guy is not an NFL QB any more. He’s a pickle smasher. A murder of Dill. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Time to wipe and breath. I need baby aspirin.
Enjoy this unrelated video of making “smashed pickles”. This is not a Cam Newton LoLight reel. It’s just a video of a woman making something called smashed pickles I found googling “Smashed Pickles”. Enjoy.