The Ultimate “Kyrie Irving is a Douche Bag” Run Down
This blog has been in the hopper for years. Every time I go to post it Kyrie does something more douchey than the last douche filled thing he did or said. Now that he has been traded history tells us we have maybe a couple weeks of good behavior from this clown. So, lets revisit the journey that brought us one of the most hated athletes in recent history.
Duke
H played 11 games. Got bounced early in the Sweet 16. This was less douchey and more of a precursor for things to come. Like when a serial killer is microwaving cats as a teenager. Red Flag.
With the Cavs
Abandons Lebron because Bron Bron is insufferable. Who could blame him.
After winning the Championship against the 73 win Warriors Kyrie wasn’t getting enough credit in his pea brain. So he wanted his “own team”. Of course Dr. word salad couldn’t come out and say it. plainly. He just bullshit his way around the conversation. I guess he forgot that before Lebron made his way back to Cleveland it was Kyrie’s team and he lead them directly to the basement of the league. The interview he gave on First Take was the first insight into the walking delusion that is Kyrie Irving.
“I’m not here to go at any particular person or the organization because I have nothing but love for Cleveland,” Irving said. “…It comes a time where you mature as an individual; it’s time to make that decision. There is no looking back from that standpoint. There is no time to figure out how to save someone’s feelings, when ultimately, you have to be selfish in that in figuring out what you want to do. … I want to be extremely, extremely happy in perfecting my craft, and that was the only intent that I have in all of this.” SOURCE
Of course he eventually went on to apologize to Bronny for being a petulant little dink.
“I had to call ‘Bron and tell him I apologize for being that young player that wanted everything at his fingertips,” Irving said after a game with Boston, per NBA.com. “I wanted to be the guy that led us to a championship. I wanted to be the leader. I wanted to be all that.”
News Flash! He didn’t win that championship. He quit and bailed on the Celtics later that year.
With the Celtics:
Flat Earther
“Can you openly admit that you know the Earth is constitutionally round?” he said to me. “Like, you know that for sure? Like, I don’t know.” SOURCE
What a fucking idiot. And here’s the classic “Youtube educated” response from this Gen Z, nothing is real, dickwad.
I wanted to open up the conversation, like, “Hey man, do your own research for what you want to believe in.” Our educational system is flawed. History has been changed throughout so much time. I literally got that from what they did to Nikola Tesla of what he was trying to do for just an incredible world. I could just go on and on about this stuff, man.
Yuck. Puke in a can and suck it you lunatic.
Fuck Thanksgiving
This one particularly upset our poor, humble, soft brained, Dr. Big Mac. He is Thanksgiving’s biggest fan and a Celtics fan. It really put him in an emotional pretzel. One he couldn’t eat his way out of. That won’t stand here at SMS. You make one of us upset you stir the whole herd.
It’s no surprise the Australian born Kyrie is claiming his Native American roots here. What is surprising is the visceral response from a citizen of the world who so respects everyone’s ideology, religions, and in turn holidays. (More on this later. Spoiler alert: He hates the Jews) Here’s the deal Kyrie. The Native Americans got real fucked by those HaWHite settlers 300 or so years ago and it ya, it hasn’t gotten much better for them. Dem da breaks when you run into a colonizing group of people, which are all people by the way. But, can’t I just eat my turkey, watch the Lions lose, and drink until I enjoy my inlaws company without you listening to being a faux social warrior for once?!
Suck my Dick
So at peace with his world. So graceful. That’s exactly how I would imagine Ghandi responding to some criticism from the mob.
Indian (British cunt) guy: “Hey Ghandi, looking a little thin. Eat much”?
Ghandi: “Suck my dick”.
Nose job
This was before we really started to look at Kyrie sideways. I even gave him the benefit of the doubt at the time. I thought it couldn’t have been the reason for missing such an important game with a team being lead by a rookie and second year player. Not “his team”. He wouldn’t leave them out to dry for something so silly.
I’m coming back if you’ll have me
Here it is. Here is where it started to go down hill. We shoot straight in the North East. It’s too cold and too dark and we’re too drunk to be jerked around. Just rip the bandaid. To lift the hopes of the 19,000 in that building and countless Celtics fans across the globe for a cheap applause only to put on the display of douchebaggery the following season, it’s no wonder the entire 95 corridor from Bridgeport to Houlton, Maine thinks this dude is a tool.
What does government mean to you
Kyrie came in one day to [a film session], he was the first one in film room. He walked up to Brad Stevens and said, ‘What does government mean to you?’ SOURCE
This fucking kid. I say kid, not guy as that phrase generally states, because he’s a child.
Though this isn't anything new for Irving. In a story by Bleacher Report's Howard Beck written before the start of the 2018-19 season, he wrote how Irving challenges his teammates' intellect on a daily basis. So maybe this was him picking Stevens' brain.
“So Stevens went into some absolute soliloquy saying absolutely nothing because he didn’t know what kind of trap door any sort of word was. And then Stevens said, ‘What’s it mean to you, Kyrie?’ Kyrie said, ‘Control.'“
Conspires with KD at all star game
"What I do with my life is my business, so it's none of yours, it's none of anybody's. It's not anybody's business," Irving said in a scolding tone. "It's a video of me and one of my best friends talking. And then it turns out to be a dissection of a free-agency meeting? Do you get that? Like, do you get that? And then I'm asked questions about that? That's what disconnects me from all that s---." SOURCE
Crazy we would have thought that, huh?
Don’t worry they have me
After the latest shallacking the Celtics took in the 2018-2019 season that placed them 4th in the East instead of the anticipated 1st seed Kyrie was unfazed because why?
"Because I'm here," Irving told reporters following Saturday's 126-116 loss against the Bulls.
"I don't get frustrated about this stuff anymore," Irving explained. "It's just part of the regular season. In the playoffs, when we can plan for a team, prepare for a team, I still don't see anybody beating us in seven games."SOURCE
Cool. Then this happened.
Mail Time
After sweeping the Pacers in round one and picking up a game 1 victory vs the Bucks in the playoffs, the Celtics were beaten handily four straight times. Kyrie shot an embarrassing 19% from 3 and quit.
After the Celtics were eliminated in five games, Irving was asked if he had ever been in such an ugly shooting slump. His answer was a bit baffling.
"Yeah, who cares? Who cares?" he said. "The expectations on me are going to be sky-high, and I try to utilize [the Bucks'] aggression against them and still put my teammates in great positions while still being aggressive. I'm trying to do it all. So, for me, the 22 shots, you know, I should've shot 30. I'm that great of a shooter." SOURCE
With the Nets
Boycott the Bubble
Prior to the NBA taking their talents to the bubble in Disney due to the Covid-19 outbreak (Which I assume Kyrie didn’t believe was real or at least was an elaborate government plot) Kyrie lead a zoom call with players and representatives to push for a boycott in the name of social justice.
On the service that’s honorable. When you peel back the layers you find more thoughtless Kyrie bullshit. And lets not forget. Kyrie was hurt again and the Nets were not participating in the chance a championship in the bubble.
This whole article chronicles the “movement” pretty well, but here’s the skinny:
Spencer chimed in on Kyrie’s call: If a mass of players opted out of returning this season, the owners could lock them out, right after the bubble. Ownership could even hold back those long-awaited paychecks from their work in Disney World as leverage to cancel next season, if not two seasons, demanding that the players give up their fifty-fifty split of NBA revenue shares. A total of $1.2 billion in player salaries was in jeopardy.
“I’m willing to give up everything I have,” Kyrie said. If a coalition of players had to compensate those who wanted to opt out of the bubble, he figured, the top earners could cover the little guys.
“I didn’t believe him,” Garrett told me. “It’s easy to say that when you’ve made what you’ve made and you’ve got the Nike money. If you’re coming into the league and haven’t made a dime yet, then that would be a totally different story — and you had other big guys randomly just start talking about social justice, and it seems convenient because they have tens of millions of dollars in the bank.” SOURCE
Kyrie Irving just flat out can’t be the face of a movement. He has lost all credibility, because he is flagrantly full of shit. He’s the guy that watched “Lose Change” and starts spouting all this information that peaks your interest and comes over the top with “it was an inside job and AL Qaeda was framed! Think about it, is ISIS doing anything you wouldn’t? Were the Nazi’s worse than the colonizers!?” Like, whoa dude. Slow down. Stick with the jet fuel. That’s where he took the bubble boycott movement. Next,
Kyrie wants to start his own player owned league
"To be clear on this, Kyrie Irving has proposed to his teammates they should start their own league, and it's not necessarily in response to the bubble situation," Bondy wrote. SOURCE
I love the image of KD listening to Kyrie spout off here. He lights another joint, leans back in the bean bag chair, and prays this guy just shuts the fuck up.
Dodges playing in Boston for a full year
Kyrie ended up missing all three games between Brooklyn and Boston in his first season with the Nets. He only showed up in Boston during the 2020-21 preseason with an empty arena due to COVID protocols.
After the first game in which Kyrie pussed out on making his way back to Boston he took to the big bad internet streets to let his blissful balanced opinions be known.
Sages the garden
Upon Kyrie’s brave return to Boston he actually saged the bad vibes off the parque.
Douche
Kyrie takes a sabbatical
In the wake of the January 6th insurrection at our nation’s capital Kyrie was in too much pain to perform basketball duties anymore. At the time basketball was no longer just a game for fun that fans and media take too seriously. It was a drain on his mental, physical, and spiritual health. He needed time to reflect and share some cake with his sister while completely disregarding all health and safety protocols put in place by the organization and league that provided him the platform to play this silly little game that shouldn’t mean anything to anybody and also has awarded him $100,000,000 dollars. Well, minus roughly $400,000.
Refuses to get the Vaccine
The Covid 19 pandemic rattled the world. It shattered all the norms of every day life. It took everyone across the globe and put them into commercial airline flight situation. Fall in line, follow the rules, keep your head down, and lets all get to our destinations with out having to deal with too much bullshit. Yes, it’s cramped and uncomfortable and we feel like fucking cattle, but it’s a means to an end. In a way every time you board a South West flight with a B 34 boarding pass you’re apart of a greater good. A piece of humanities civil side. Something bigger than you.
Well, Kyrie wanted to be the one drunk asshole with an ironic mullett on the flight refusing to obey the seatbelt assignment pissing himself. Kyrie was the sassy woman with the fat ass letting every mutherfucker know she’ll take her sweet ass time getting her luggage exactly where it needs to go. Kyrie took his shoes and socks off, ate the tuna sandwich, talked your god dam ear off the whole flight through your headphones. This sumabitch didn’t wait to appropriately rise from his seat and let the passengers ahead of him depart the plane. It’s his world, y’all just living in it.
At least he had a coherent explanation and response, right?
“I am doing what’s best for me. I know the consequences here and if it means that I’m judged and demonized for that, that’s just what it is,” Irving said. “That’s the role I play, but I never wanted to give up my passion, my love, my dream just over this mandate.” SOURCE
Ah, yes. Government = Control. We’re learning now, kids.
Boston is Racist
In an effort to scape goat the pressure that would be accompanying him to Boston in the 2021 playoff series Kyrie went with the racial divide tactic. Surprise surprise in the most divided the country has been since 1864 it worked!
“I mean it’s not my first time being an opponent in Boston, so I’m just looking forward to competing with my teammates and hopefully we can just keep it strictly basketball, there’s no belligerence or any racism going on, subtle racism and people yelling s— from the crowd,” SOURCE
Do ya Kyrie? You hope not to see the subtle racism? Or are you afraid?
Acts like a little bitch
What a little bitch
Suck my dick 2.0
Good to see he’s learning from his self guided spiritual journey.
Stomps lucky
How dare you. The whole experience with Kyrie’s return to Boston was typically childish from Kyrie. And yes the fans as well. The water bottle throw was so low class and fucked the entire thing up playing right into his hands.
The behavior from Kyrie was a microcosm for him as a professional in the spot light. He’s arrogantly aloof to the point of disrespect. Toss in a whole shit ton of narcissism and you’ve got a melting pot of douche.
Refuses to apologize for being an Anti Semite
“Hebrews to Negroes: Wake Up Black America”
That was a link to this documentary where the rough thesis of the movie is that Black people are the real Israelites, the true chosen people of God, and that Jews have been lying about their origins, the Holocaust, and the true extent of their influence. At a postgame press conference a day after the article came out, reporters repeatedly asked Irving about the film and about his beliefs, but, rather than disavowing the movie or anti-Semitism, Irving deflected, painting himself as the victim. “Don’t dehumanize me up here,” he told ESPN’s Nick Friedell. SOURCE
The saga continued for days as Kyrie refused to apologize or even explain what his motive was for posting the link. This was also in the wake of Kanye West going completely Awol with reality and scorched earth the Jewish people. Another “movement” Kyrie supports and champions that we plebs are too stupid to understand.
Demands to be traded away from his home
The Nets refused to give Kyrie the max extension because, ya know he’s barely played for them over the last 4 years why would that change? Kyrie and KD played a grand total of 74 games together for this very foreseeable dumpster fire. So, shockingly another bridge is burnt in NYC. The places Kyrie called home and the reason for leaving Boston.
Joseph Assai finally had enough. Assai refused to send Kyrie where he wanted to go, LA. Instead sending him down to Dallas. I wonder how he’ll fit in with the racist harmony that Texas has to offer?
Normally, yes it would be your fault Bron Bron. Not this time, though. It’s him. You didn’t get your reunion because this kid is such a putz that a multi million dollar professional organization was forced to operate out of spite. LA offered two unprotected 1st round picks plus whatever roster pieces it would take and Brooklyn said, nah. Fuck this clown. Enjoy destroying Luka’s last days in Dallas.
There is 0.0% chance this has any chance of working for Mark Cuban’s Mavs. I like watching Luka play and I understand he was pressuring them to make a move. This wasn’t it.
This won’t be the last Douchebaggery Kyrie Irving pulls. That is the only concrete trait he brings to the table. You can set your clock for the next ridiculous, self righteous, “look at me”, “but don’t dare dehumanize me or discuss what I think I stand for”, preposterous public out cry from this delusional, misusing big word, fake wokeism, dweeb.
Kyrie believes he’s the smartest guy in the room based on the latest Youtube clip that told him he was. He’s got $100 million in the bank to back up that ignorance all due to the fact he’s phenomenal at basketball, but refuses to acknowledge it’s the only single fucking reason in the world anybody as any clue who this douchebag is. Fuck Kyrie.
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