It’s been 3 days

Quarantine, what a cunt. Since then I’ve piled up 20 lbs and have been in the worst shape of my life. Got some killer nicknames; Dr. BigMac, Bitch Tits, big fat fatty, The Obvious One, Bottom of the Totem Pole of Dumb. I got lazy.

Thanks to Uncle Joe Biden and my newly addressed stimulus check I decided it was time to get back in shape/lose weight. I quit drinking soda and feel like I gave up a hard drug. The cravings, the mood swings, just awful. I bought a weight bench and barbell and started lifting in my garage which is nice. The fun part of the whole thing has been the wife saying in her condescending sarcastic ass tone,

“Hey can you get an 8 pack? That would be awesome.”

I said sure, I’ll try for that if you get a boob job. I assume the silence in return means she agreed. So here is to 8 packs and boob jobs! Let’s go!