If the Patriots are not in the AFC championship game does a bear shit in the woods?
Did I butcher that phrase? Look, since the year 2001 the Patriots have been in 13 AFC championship games. Including EIGHT in a row from 2011 - 2018. That’s 65% of the last 20 years of championship games and 80%, EIGHTY fucking percent of the last 10 years. So to sit here as a Patriots fan and not see them in this game for the 2nd straight season all I can say is, THANK GOD for Tom Brady.
Put your fucking pitch forks down. This is not a Brady over Belichick pink hat scenario. I’m talking from an entertainment scenario. The New England Patriots have been the life blood of NFL story lines for the past 20 years if you don’t count domestic abuse and CTE suicides. So a thank you from the Commish would be appreciated. We saw the rise of an empire and the fall of an empire. We saw the world’s greatest sports scandal followed by a scorched earth tour climate change would blush at. Only to be derailed by a gap tooth and a simpleton. A las, once again a mear few seasons later the Phoenix rises from the ashes for an even more dominant display of violent arrogance and disportioncate success. All the while, an even bigger scandal damn near resulting in a supreme court case, the great sports comeback in history, a palace coup, a state attorney general’s attempt at punishing an old man’s personal discretions, 9 of the greatest Super Bowls ever played, and finally the divorce and demise of the Brady - Belichick era. A window of hope was cracked open and the red hot hate and jealousy flooded in, Cam Newton drilled 1,000 passes into the dirt, and it became dark.
So where would the NFL be with out the Big Bad Patriots to hate and besmirch on the cold cold weeks of January?
Enter 43 year old Thomas Edward Brady. I don’t have to paint the picture here. The angles are endless. And I’m not saying this Sunday would have been bad with out Brady. The Rodgers story of underachievement self absorbed, “my future is a beautiful mystery” douchebag is a good one. God, that guy is a tool. I guarantee his parents don’t miss him. The Chiefs already claiming their dynasty, but actually starring down a chance at a real one with the new face of the league battling through injuries, and of course the freaking Bills. Let’s pray for a wide right somewhere along the line here.
I’m just saying it all pales in comparison to Brady continuing to squeeze the balls out of his competition with the visceral contempt.
