I Almost Lost Playing Russian Roulette with Toilets

I write this blog from the handicap stall, barely. As some of you may or may not know I will have chronic diarrhea for the rest of my life. Food passes through me faster than Usian Bolt running a 100 meter dash.

Today I decided to have an early lunch, I was hungry and the left over chicken I brought was delicious with the right spices on it. It was calling my name. After destroying the chicken and corn I felt a rumbling in my stomach. Knowing what that means I headed over to the one stall bathroom. The privacy is impeccable and you can really enjoy the moment. The other side of the coin is that a lot of people know and use it. It’s a roll of the dice. To my horror it was taken. The next option is the 3 stall bathroom in the tool room which is a football field away, usually it’s full before or after lunch. Knowing I took lunch early I was hoping for an open stall but once again, everything was occupied. Now I’m beginning to sweat and the penguin walk is coming out, clenched butt cheeks. The next option for me is the tubing bathroom, 100 feet away with 4 stalls, one has to be open…….NOPE! Now I’m nervous, wearing my signature khaki colored shorts, I’m more nervous about shitting myself for all to see. The last ditch effort is pray I can make it to the next building which is 200 yards away. If those were all taken I for sure will shit myself and need to go home out of pure embarrassment and smell alone. I waddled, getting a cramp on my left butt cheek from clenching so hard hoping nothing would leak out.

I made it but barely, it was one of those as soon as you begin the sitting motion everything comes out. As I sit here and write this I know that I played a deadly game of Russian Roulette and almost lost but live to see another day.