Things to watch instead of the Celtics
The Celtics currently have the worst team in the NBA. Piss off with your records. Watch one quarter of a Celtics game and you will agree. So here are some suggestions to rot your brain instead of pooping your pants in anguish and anxiety.
Marcus Mariota Highlights
Breaking NEWs. The Patriots are in the market for a franchise Quarter Back! Follow up to breaking news, they are not going to get one because they are cheap and stubborn and the smartest football minds on the planet. That whole Cam Newton experience was a ruse to lull the league to sleep only to pounce in 2021 with guess who? Marcus Mariota! They’ll never see it coming! Why, because he blows? Maybe.
(Side note. This is for The Obvious One aka the Grammar Guru. “Ruse” Definitions from Oxford Languages : an action intended to deceive someone; a trick.
"Eleanor tried to think of a ruse to get Paul out of the house")
Mariota has been rumored heavy to the Patriots this season. And more importantly and even more worrisomely he has been getting high praise from the Patriot media cartel. That always looks like roses and usually ends up smelling like a wet fart laced in suck. But, this is our life now. Fuck me right?! Let’s watch some Ducks highlights.
2. The Bruins.
The Bruins are the heart of Boston right now. They represent everything we want in our sports team. Gritty, don’t take themselves too seriously, lunch pale mentality, and the win. If you are not tuning into the boys every night you’re missing out. Even if you are not a hockey fan, this is the year to convert. Repent and release the ties of the devil inside you that is Lucky the Leprechaun and embrace your new savior, fucking Blades.
Plus, he’s tight with the Bruins Ice Girls
This kid gets it
3. CONNECTED. Hey wanna learn something? I thought so. Connected is a Netflix show about Science and how everything is connected and how the IRS fucks us with crazy secret digit codes. The producer would very much appreciate the streams. I know because he told me. Personally. I know him. (Dusting my shoulders off)
4. The Paramount Network. Looky here patrons.
For more than 100 years, the Paramount brand has stood as a symbol for the golden age of Hollywood filmmaking. On Wednesday afternoon, executives from ViacomCBS made the case for why Paramount and its gleaming mountain logo will be what pushes the entertainment conglomerate into the streaming era.
This is not your father's Viacom. This is not my father's either, ViacomCBS chairman Shari Redstone said to start the presentation, evoking the memory of her late father, Sumner Redstone, whose legacy looms large over the company.
Those are my words and my words only. What a fine network. To be associated with such esteemed TV royalty even in something as trivial as, oh I dunno, a banner ad deal on a new up and coming trendy sports website would be something to be proud of. Something to tell the grandkids.
Oh, and don’t worry. I won’t bury the lead any further. Say it with me, Costner. Kevin Costner. The hit show Yellowstone stars America’s sexiest man (over 60) and the world’s finest actor (ever), Kevin Costner. And don’t think for one minute Paramount would end there. NO, no. I fully expect Costner marathons. Dances with Wolves, Bill Durham, Draft Day, the list goes on. And you know what that mean? Yup. Yank town.
Can’t bring me down C’s. Not when I got by boys Kev and Latif holding it down. Get bent Tatum.
P.S. What kind of shady shit do you think Elenore was up to Ruseing (not a word) Paul out of the house? Probably some whore stuff right? Or maybe she has a secret club where they make jam? But, like whorey sex jam. #justsayin