See You In Hell

Monday, hands down the shittiest day of the week. Hangovers, the not giving a fuck, the start to a 40-80 hour work week. But what if I told you I probably made someones life even worst on a Monday morning.

I am a morning pooper, but not until I get to work. 5:50 am, it’s like a poop alarm clock alert going off, and so my Monday began, sitting, scrolling through social media, maybe even playing a game. But atlas, I finish my business and go grab some paper from the dispenser. Luckily there was enough paper to get through what I needed to get through. But while all this is going on I start to chuckle, thinking to myself “the next guy that comes in here is going to have a terrible Monday.” Since I know very well there won’t be any paper left and the next guy is going to have an itchy butt for a good portion of the day.

Now I am all for pranks and practical jokes. I can give it and I can take it. I am telling you this because it has happened to me and after the initial anger I laughed it off. So while I was standing up to button my shorts I couldn’t help to smile ear to ear. I wouldn’t be present but just pictured some of the people here and how they would react but then one person just popped into my head. The one person I would have loved to walk in after me was one Richard McPhee.

When I got home I messaged one of my group chats to let the boys know what had happen, and also damn well telling Rich I wished it was him to know how angry this would make a man who poops at public places like it’s own house. Rich is a poop sympathies, if there was a poop union he would be the president. So knowing what I was about to tell him would send him off in a rage of diarrhea (when he gets mad it gives him the shits). When I was all done sending the story I was able to check all the boxes.

-enraging Rich with my no TP in the stall story.

-make him have the shits from anger.

-being told i’m going to hell, just knowing he will be right next to me and will do it to him in hell too.