Legal Tampering is like NFL Christmas Eve
Disclaimer: This blog is not just for Christians. Happy Holidays.
Christmas in July is bull shit. NFL Christmas is in March and these couple days of “legal tampering” are the Eve of a morn filled with boyish excitement for all (more on these details still to come. Talking boners). Just think, if you are the fan of a suck bag team this is the day on the 16 month calendar with the most hope. You are fully anticipating an early morning with a bowl of your favorite cereal, a warm fire, and an entire room full of GI Joes and the Mobile command center. The more likely scenario is your dumb ass step Dad is drunk on the pull out couch with a couple fucking knock off American Defense Action figures still in the plastic CVS bag with a pack of camels and a tube of preparation H. Thanks Bill. But, still there’s hope.
The offseason in a lot of ways has become more fun and intriguing than the actually season. It’s like anticipating a block buster movie and seeing a great preview. The idea of how fucking awesome this is going to be can almost never match your own imagination. So you allow yourself endless dream boners over insane scenarios like Tom Brady inexplicably being released and signing with your team, then bringing along the best TE of all time and they galvanize your shitty organization turning them into a Super Bowl champion and then bring the whole band back together for the 1st back to back since 2004. But, those scenarios are impossible so slip that woody in the waist band and get used to the idea of John Kitna leading prayer groups instead of TD drives.
For a long time as a Patriots fan we have not had to deal with hiding stiffy’s while reading PFT at work. We simply gave up hiding our arrogant, Super Bowl winning, NFL dominating, dongs. In Bill we trust has been the mantra. They could sign Darrelle Revis or John Simon either way the expectation was AFC Championship Game every year and Super Bowl every other year. Boy, things have changed quickly and at the risk of 1 too many boner jokes (no such thing), “wet noodle” does not begin to describe my level of hope and excitement for the 2021 Patriots after Cam Newton was the 1st signing at fucking QUARTER BACK! No footlongs here sir.
Out side of the general sentiment in New England which goes Something like,
Mama, put my guns in the ground
I can't shoot them anymore
That long black cloud is comin' down
I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door
This off season should be pretty wild in the NFL. The Cap casualties have created a flood of free agents and Quarter Backs have basically been given the NBA treatment. Adam Schefter reported as many as 18 teams could have a different QB in 2021. We have already seen the big moves with Stafford and Goff, the signing of Carsen Wentz, and Jerry Jones dumping an entire cement truck of cocaine cash on Dak’s door step.
I fully expect some more fireworks across the league and now that the Patriots no longer reign supreme over the NFL it should create some surprising parody and it is sure to induce communities full of waist band Brady boners.
