Bill Belichick has Senioritis
In 2020 we watched the Patriots go 7 - 9 with out Tom Brady at QB for the first time in 20 years. The roster was chalk full of dumpsters fires. The highlight from the WR core was Gunner Olszewsky “popping” at camp. Why the sudden drop off in success you ask? Because Bill decided to take a nap instead of calling Cole Beasley.
Belichick will be 69 - nice - in April. His coaching days are coming to an end. We’re aware of it. He’s aware of it. He has won 6 Super Bowls as a head coach, two as a D - coordinator, 3 time coach of the year, he’s built a couple different dynasty rosters, he is widely considered the greatest coach in NFL if not sports history, oh and he pulls in $25 million a year. Bill Belichick in essence has been accepted to every college he applied to and it’s only January. Feet up. Ernie, drag my ass to 348. Suck it.
Let’s just take a look at a couple examples to drive the point home. These “Senioritis Symptoms” come from an esteemed publication called Her Campus.com. I’m sure they have a well established credibility.
Inability to Do Homework Until the Very Last Minute
What does a plan to replace Tom Brady look like to you? Is it not picking the last shiny turd off the trash heap for pennies on the dollar? Sure, Bill could have read the tea leaves aka was told directly that Tom was leaving and invest time, money, and energy in filling the most important position in sports with a competent athlete who didn’t have a Dad Bod for an arm, but fuck it. He’s about to graduate.
Short-Term Memory Loss When it Comes to Remembering Project Due Dates
Does the name Adam Humphries ring a bell? Slot WR, Quick, good hands, white. Patriots bread and butter. Signed with the Titans in 2019 even with receiving a better offer from the Patriots. Why? Because the Patriots were late to the party getting the contract to Adam and he already agreed with the Titans. Mr. Humphries is no Josh McDaniels. When he shakes a hand that’s it. Word is bond.
Excessive Desire to Skip Class
The College Senior Bowl is a show case for the country’s brightest stars. Bill Belichick had an opportunity to actually coach this game and get and up close look at all of these players. His drafts fro at least the last 5 years have blown and he has one of the worst rosters in football. What does Bill do? Skips it. Suck it.
Lack of Motivation
What’s all this talk about camp being more “fun”. Skipping practices. What happened to no days off?
Overpowering Need to Rebel
“Oh Tom Brady is the GOAT? The Patriots could never get rid of Tom Brady?” Have fun in Tampa, DIVA. Not to mention the over all general demeanor Bill has towards the League and most of his contemporaries, the media, some players, even Trump got the cold shoulder this year. Suck it Trump.
Sudden Head Spasms That Cause You to Look at the Clock Every Other Minute
This as had the opposite affect on Bill as he ponders life in the dorms. In game Belichick has been one of the best clock managers ever. In 2019 and even 2018 we saw an un precedented amount of clock mismanagement. Could you just call a time out in Seattle for 2 plays instead of 1?
Frequent Hallucinations About What College Life Will Be Like
This one comes with a bit of a time warp for Bill. He certainly is getting hallucinations. Starring off in the distance Bill see’s Lawrence Taylor ripping off Theismann’s leg again, and the wish bone running to perfection, with pooch punts and drops kicks galore. The staff has started packing extra pants just for these occasions.
Inflated Ego and Sense of Superiority
Well, this one I can’t seem to find any real evidence of.
Increased Irritability
If you ask any of the beat guys down in Foxboro they would probably tell you this has always been the case.
Loss of Interest in Your Appearance
Enjoy your boat Bill. Tell Linda we say Hi.