You don’t have the Balls, Buffalo
I fucking dare the Buffalo Sabres to trade Jack Eichel to the Bruins. Nay, I double dog dare you! Your franchise is hot garbage. Buffalo has the greatest fan base in the world, just ask them. They are looking for a vote of confidence here. Eichel was supposed to be the second coming, but lesbihonest, it’s over between Eichel and the Sabres. So put your nuts on the table and make an inter division hockey trade. You owe it to your fans.
This next section is not for Buffalo Sabres Management to read.
Shhhhh. This is called reverse psychology. I learned about it in my college Psych 101 class. We are playing on the insecurities of a lesser person to force them into making a terrible decision that benefits us. That may sound harsh, but that’s because you’re a pussy playing kid’s games. Think less Duke Lacrosse more, Herschel Walker. Also, have you thought this through?
Imagine Jack Eichel on the Bruins. See? Let’s totally mess with these loser’s dumb brains. Eichel is a BU kid. Loves Boston. He is a clear path at #1 center from Bergeron. Think about handing the reigns over to a core of Jack Eichel, David Pastrnak, and Charlie McAvoy. In the words of Billy BadWords, “oh god, oh god, oh god.”
Which brings me to the deal and mental war fare. The Eichel to the Bruins rumors have been floating for what feels like years. The latest report in The Athletic has the deal centered around McAvoy with the Bruins being “all over”the possibility of this trade. But, if it involves McAvoy or the perfection line, I’m out. And I know what a lot of you are about to say. The Bruins do not have enough to make the deal work with out McAvoy or Pastrnak. Well, keep up dork. We are in the middle of a mental bully session. We need to pump the Sabres brass balls full of “I’ll show you” gumption so when we send them Debrusk and Blades the Bruin they say fair deal.
Welcome back Sabres front office. Are you done peeing sitting down? Ready to strike the deal? Blades already packed is skates and folding tables. Just sign the dotted line.