The Good
STOP! If you have not yet read the beginning of this Choose your Own Adventure please do here:
CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE: Bill Belichick remains the coach of the New England Patriots
THE GOOD
In 2025 we see a revitalized Belichick. Little to no Man Boobs. Chiseled jaw. He has fully mended his relationship with Brady and has s gone full TB 12 method. The results are impeccable. Bill looks great, feels great, but still sucks as a GM. He’s drafted 14 projects on the offensive and defensive line. JuJu and Devante Parker enter the last year of their deals, but Russell Wilson has brought Jesus to New England and Jesus loves 7 win teams. The season starts slow as they work through the patented Belichick’s extended pre season in October. It’s not until a chilly Sunday Night Football match up with the Jets in early January that we witness the greatness we’ve all been waiting for. Win # 348. Suck it Don. It does not come with out drama and what some call a miracle.
Late in the 4th quarter the Patriots trail by 4 with 12 seconds left in the game. They take the ball at their own 20 yard line needing that miracle to win. As Russell Wilson takes the field he spots something in the corner of his eye. It’s and injured Aaron Rodgers. His medical phenomenon achilles tendon fully evaporated in the midst of him signing another $100 million dollar extension. But, what’s this? He’s reading a book. Wilson can’t quite make out the title so yells extremely sincerely;
“Hey, smartest guy in the room! What are you reading?”
Rodgers peaks up ever so douchey. He delivers a rye smirk.
“It’s Area 51’s version of the Kamasutra. Joe Rogan signed the forward written by Kyrie Irving about the Illuminati using butt plugs to signal aliens. It’s revolutionary man.”
Wilson can’t resist. He leaves his helmet on the field and joins Rodgers on the sideline. They kiss.
Belichick throws up his hands and mumbles something resembling “what in the ever loving fuck.” Then as if from the Heavens, a glow encompass the stadium. A warm breeze fills the frozen Foxboro air. The light grows into a blinding albatross from the sky like Gandalf approaching from the East with the Rohanian. It’s Brady!
Tom Brady shirtless riding a white Unicorn. He lands on the near sideline next to Belichick. “I’m here coach. I’m here for you.” Julian Edelman pops up from Brady’s under carriage, wipes his mouth and hands Brady his uniform, shoulder pads, and helmet. Brady straps up. Belichick gives a silent nod and Brady turns toward the field. He levitates to the huddle. Tom give a smile and a wink. The huddle breaks. The crowd is frozen in time. Brady snaps the ball. 10, 9, 8, 7 … He launches the most beautiful spiral the world has ever seen. To on lookers in the crowd they claim they saw Helen of Troy in the sky that night. As the ball come floating back down to earth who else is there to receive the game winning, record setting touchdown? Tom Brady. He’s flown his white Unicorn, name Tara Reid, the length of the field out racing the Jets secondary. He gives a peak at the camera as if to say “I guess your husband can throw and catch the ball you ungratefully shrew.” Then in an instant. He’s gone.
Belichick looks into the night sky, then across the field. Wilson and Rodger now shirtless. One hand each holding the book and the other a nipple. Belichick slowly removes his head set. The crowd is cheering wildly, agassed, in disbelieve. Bill walks head down towards the tunnel where a corn field has appeared. He disappears into the husks. The broadcast turns to black. The NFL, so blown away by what they have witnessed by Brady, Belichick, and the New England Patriots forfeit all of their profits to the homeless and starving across the globe. This trend continues across professional sports and spreads like wild fire through global business, banking, politics, and governments. In 2 short years the entire planet has evolved into World Peace. Brady and Belichick never to be seen again. Forever remembered.
Of you’re for world peace. You’re team Bill.
