Don Sweeney is on Fire
The Bruins are all the way in and Pasta is here long term. The Top 5 concerns for the Celtics highlight the biggest issues the C’s could run into during the playoff run. Special guest “The Pitch Clock Cuck” joins the show and Rumor Has It debuts as a new segment. A glorious death, plus, It’s me a Mario!
Don Sweeney is on Fire
HEADLINES with The OBVIOUS ONE
TOP 5: Celtics Concerns
SPECIAL GUEST: The Pitch Clock Cuck
Rumor Has It
Simplest Minds of the Week
SHOW NOTES:
Cold Open
Opening Takes
Rich - Pitch Clock Cucs
Ray -
Bobby -
Show Rundown
Don Sweeney is on Fire
TOP 5: Celtic Concerns
Special Guest: The Pitch Clock Cuc
Rumor Has it
Simplest Minds of the week
Welcome - Youtube, iheart, itunes
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Don Sweeney is on Fire
Bertuzzi - 2024 1st and 4th. 50% salary
Pasta - 8 years $90 million
Sign Linus Ulmark. Four years $5 million. AAV. Shoe in for the Vezna
Hampus Lindholm - Trade deadline acquisition. The Bruins gave up Urho Vaakanainen, John Moore, 2022 first-round pick, second-rounders in 2023 and 2024. Lindholm signs 8 year deal with a $6.5 million cap hit. He’s your top pairing Left Defenseman with a .5 point a game.
Hire Jim Montgomery - Bruce Cassidy had the 4th most wins in the NHL as his time as Bruins coach. He was one Poopy Tuukka diaper away from a Stanley Cup in 2019. But, his message had ran dry. He had lost the room. Sweeney has clearly hit a home run with his replacement.
Trade for Pavel Zacha - The Bruins gave up Eric Haula. That’s it. Then signed Zacha for $4.5 AAV. All he’s done is surplant former MVP Taylor Hall on the 2nd line with a +19 and 41 pts in 60 games.
Resign Bergeron and Krejci - I don’t know how much of this was Sweeney, but he still gets credit. Top two lines engaged.
Trade for Orlov and Hathaway - Another 1st round pick out the door was tough to swallow but fuck it. LA Rams this shit. They also were able to dump Craig Smith’s $3 million cap hit. Win win. Orlov has made an immediate impact and bolsters the top 2 D pairings. Hathaway’s physicality will undoubtably show up come playoff time.
Trade for Bertuzzi- It’s full Rams mode now. the 2024 1st round pick for secure a top 6 LW stays on the ice with Hall and Foligino going down. You can easily make the argument Bertuzzi is an upgrade over Hall. I don’t we’ve seen a goal from #71 in a month.
Sign David Pastrnak - Bringing an Elite NHLer back on a below market deal seems to be Sweeney’s specialty. Marchand, Bergeron, Krejci, McAvoy, now Pasta. All taking a little less, sometimes a lot less for the betterment of the spoked B. You love to see it. 8 years $90 million. Signed in a contract year where in a world where Connor McDavid didn’t exist, the MVP- Con Smyth would already be in Boston. Forty two goals for Pasta trail McDavid by 10. That’s nuts. But, it’s still a 60 goal pace. He would be only the 2nd Bruin to hit the mark. Phil Esposito did it four times.
* Bad news. Foligno and Hall hit LTIR. Surgery expected.
HEADLINES with The OBVIOUS ONE
Top 5: Celtics Concerns
1. Injuries
- Time lord, Brodgon, Al Horford, Jaylen Brown
2. Championship mettle
- Team still has zero rings on the roster
- Warriors and Heat mentally own them
3. Jayson Tatum
- The Dukie is shrinking but still stinks
4. Coaching
- Joey Mazzy. Call a timeout. Control his superstars. Make adjustments
5. Kyrie Irving
- Always be aware of the biggest cunt in the room
QUICK BREAK
Special Guest: The Pitch Clock Cuc
The average game has already gone from 3 hours 11 minutes to 2 hours and 35 minutes
1985 last time the game was that short
1 inning pitched vs. 1 pitch
All younger players have already learned how to play with. Per usual the olds bitching about how things are supposed to be
Baseball was broken after the strike in 94.
- they juiced the players and balls.
- bought them a decade.
- Red Sox yankees bought them another 5 years
Now the nerds and 3 true outcomes are threatening to permately kill the game.
Baseball smartened up. Changed a major aspect of the game. Like every other professional sports league does every single year.
Get the ball moving
Defense shift
Ghost runner
Bigger bases
* move the mound back
* expand the strike zone
AFTERNOON DELIGHT
Rumor has it
* Tom Brady a threat to come back and play
- 49ers John Lynch in communication and in need of a QB
* Patriots to add veteran WR opposed to drafting one
- De Andre Hopkins, Keenan Allen,
* Matt Patricia is spoiling Mac Jones' good name - unanimous reports about Mac all coming from Skinny Ray.
- calling other coaches. a piull in the locker room, needed coaches to be easier on him
- Patricia could OC job as favor to Bill
The Boston Globe's Ben Volin reported Wednesday that Patricia "didn't really want to be offensive coordinator, but did it as a favor to Belichick, who needed someone he could trust."
* Carmelo Anthony to the Celtics as final buy out roster spot
“One option is bringing in Carmelo Anthony if he’s open to a role like Griffin’s. Given Anthony’s friendships with Chris Paul and Kevin Durant, Boston might have to compete with the Suns to sign him.”
“There are other options for veteran leaders, including Joe Johnson, who the Celtics, including stars Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown, valued having around in Johnson’s short time back in Boston last season.”
Ray losing weight and Bill has the HIV
SIMPLEST MINDS OF THE WEEK
Ja morant beats up 11 year old
11-year-old reads aloud from ‘pornographic’ book he checked out from library at school board meeting
“Nick and Charlie,” written by Alice Oseman, begins with two early teen boys stealing wine from their parents and proceeding to experiment sexually with one another.
“This book was on the stand. I would like to read you a page,” Knox said at the school board meeting, according to a video posted in the Maine Wire.
Knox proceeded to read, “My back over my hips. I asked if he should take his clothes off. He was saying yes before I finished my sentence. He’s pulling off my T-shirt, laughing when I can’t undo his shirt buttons. He’s undoing my belt. I’m reaching into his bedside drawer for a condom.”
Adam proceeded to blast the book “Gender Queer,” which also shows sexually explicit depictions of two minors. The age advisory in the book is for readers 18 years and older.
“This is bulls–t,” he said.
“We do not need to be having literature that is showing boys how to s–k d–k …
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