The Patriots are struggling from Goldilocks Syndrome

Mar 26

Intro

The Patriots have a disturbing case of Goldilocks Syndrome—every available player is either too expensive, too old, too injured, or just not quite right. Dr. Big Mac, Date Mitch, & Chief Bobby break it all down and try to make sense of what the hell is happening in Foxboro. Plus, free agency chatter, draft speculation, and the infamous 10 Questions from a Guy Named Rob.

Patriots Goldilocks Syndrome

The Patriots seem allergic to making a move for a top-tier playmaker:

Deebo Samuel traded to Washington for a 5th-round pick—too fat for the Pats?
Tee Higgins? Too expensive.
Chris Godwin? Too hurt.
Cooper Kupp? Too old.
DK Metcalf? Too dumb (but they’ve reportedly asked about a trade).
Christian Kirk? Too suck.
Davante Adams? Silence from New England.
AJ Brown? Pats inquired and got hung up on.
Chris Olave? Apparently, not even on their radar.

Meanwhile, the Patriots are reportedly targeting:

Harold Landry (DE, Titans)
Milton Williams (DT, Eagles)
Ronnie Staley (OT, Ravens)
Patrick Mekari (OG, Ravens)

Key Takeaway: The Patriots have nearly $290 million in cap space over the next two years, but are they actually going to use it to land difference-makers?

Pats Scraps

Christian Barmore’s health is a concern—was rushed back last season in another example of Patriots dysfunction under Mayo.
Do the Pats actually want to improve, or are they just rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic?

Key Takeaway: The dysfunction may not have left with Belichick.

Free Agency

The Pats’ big moves are all about linemen. Great, but where’s the offensive firepower?
Are they gearing up to protect a rookie QB, or just staying in neutral?
Other teams are making moves while the Patriots hesitate.

Key Takeaway: Spending money wisely is one thing, but the Pats are acting like they’re broke when they’re sitting on a pile of cash.

The Draft

The Patriots love Travis Hunter—does this mean they’re targeting defense early?
Field Yates predicts QBs will go in the top 3. Is this a blessing or a curse for the Patriots?
OT Will Campbell has tiny arms—is he off the board?
RT Armand Membou is climbing draft boards—should the Patriots make a move?
A major run on offensive linemen is expected at the end of Round 1 and early Round 2. SIGN YOUR LEFT TACKLE NOW.

Key Takeaway: The Patriots need an offensive identity, and waiting around won’t help them find one.

Closing

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Final Thought: The Patriots have all the resources to improve—but will they actually make a move, or just sit on their hands again?

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Rich McPhee