We landed on Mars. Send Kyrie.
Last week NASA completed the incredible feat of landing the Perseverance Rover on Mars. It will under go it’s mission further discovering the planet for 1 Mars year or 687 days on Earth. This is exciting shit man. I don’t understand the people who don’t geek out over the fact that human beings, American human beings just launched a shit ton of shit into space and successfully landed a bad Ass Go Kart on ANOTHER PLANET! No, instead we are not to bother you, because another episode of “I’m a douche bag hear me roar” is about to come on.
Here is a fact that was news to me. It only took Perseverance a year or so to get to Mars. I thought for sure this was a lot longer trip that. There are 1,000s of parents who would rather take the quiet one year space voyage to Mars then the hour ride to Six Flags where they will fight the urge to “lose” the kids.
Look at this monster
This got my thinking. We are going to be sending some real life Star Trek, Oregon Trail Mo Fo’s sooner rather than later. Who should be on that first flight? Probably never to return. Easy. Kyrie Irving. This can’t even be construed as me being mean or selfish. You’re going to tell me that All seeing eye, life is an illusion, smartest douche in the room would not want the opportunity to experience the cosmos? I supposed he would be a little bummed when he got up there and saw the Earth was indeed, not flat. He would get over it though.
One problem I foresee which will probably DQ him though. The “Dumpster Fire” affect. Most of these flight crews have ranks right? How does Kyrie handle taking orders from Captain of the “Get him the fuck outta here” Shuttle? Answer: Not good. They are all captains here. Then, for sure Kyrie gets bored of being the greatest at pushing buttons and re-naming constellations (Orion is offensive. I’m sure of it), one day to just find a corner and mope. All of his duties go with out care, the crew is now undermanned and over worked. Some one misses an assignment due to lack of sleep and POOF. No more Mars.
God Damnit. Even in my fantasies Kyrie’s cuntyness is unavoidable.